Gripped in pain's arms...

yesterday

2006-07-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

There was the hesitation to go and meet him yesterday. I thought it would be better to go with Marvin and head to Muchie's place... but hey, it was weeks since we last met and i missed him so much. So i went to Manila. I made a shocking discovery through his cellphone that he has actually another girl. I don't personally know the girl, maybe she has something that I don't. I painstakingly pretended I was cool and ok, I even acted out. The day went him knowing that I'm having my desmenorrhea and that I'm not feeling well. I guess my instinct of going out with him was all wrong, i thought. On the brighter side, I'm very thankful that He made me knowledgeable about his treachery this early... I guess. Actually I don't hate him at all and at one corner at my mind I know there's something wrong with me. There is, I'm sure. I admit I am not the type of girl he would be proud of nor the girl he has seen in his dreams. I love him so much, that I easily forgave him but I don't want to tell him yet because... I'm still hurtin' a bit. There's an indefinite struggle between letting him go and bringing him back. I just don't know. :'(

2005-07-06T21:40:00.000-07:00

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Why Do You Have To Be Far Away?

2005-05-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, another time to vent my mind, another time to see what's inside. Who the title may pertain to you about someone is not merely who you think. But i guess it's partly the same cause who you think i'm referring to here, is just as exactly the same as who i'm trying to point out in terms of valuing that person, only deeper ang genuine... In the past few days, i have this reminiscing act happening, and it feels a little cheesy but everytime i see a girl with his dad, or anything that reminds me of my dad, the feeling of sadness come out of nowhere and i see myslf a little different not obscure. The thing is... i miss my dad. And all of my dreams and aspirations, i offer to him and to my beloved family. I asked myself a million of times, bakit kailangan pang umalis at magtrabaho sa ibang lugar? the same answer i get directly from my brain. His support to his family mattered most than being with us with nothing. of course, we have to go to college. I entered a public university and recently finished my degree. I'm deeply thankful for that. But remembering my graduation day without my dad really strucked all the pain out of me. Obviously, i'm a daddy's girl. i miss the times we have to sit together along with my siblings and play rock-scissors-papers kinda thing. All the bonding moments with my dad, as i remember, gave in a little tear falling down my cheek. Kahit ang tagal2 na nyang to ang from PNG, i can still feel the longingness fresh back the first time he left. I really miss him. I cannot disregard the full effort of my mom being the one to guide us, as my dad's away. She sufficed the parenting role they should've shared in the last 4 years, though my dad didn't failed to give us the guidance we need by sending us emials, texts, and other means to communicate. He's really the greatest dad for me. I wanted him to stop working and just be here with us, that's why i'm really determined to pass the 1st step to have a nursing career, the board exams. My dad's always been an inspiration for me, he's outstanding dignity and personality i admire.

My Day Today

2005-05-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

Hay naku, ang araw ngaun ay mejo nakaka windang! Naman kasi... naguluo ang numbering ko kanina sa long exam namin... dahil sa hindi marunong magbilang ang computer na ginamit sa pagtytype nung exam na iyon! Hay! Ayun, mejo naimberna pa kami dun sa mga nagffeeling na mga lalake sa classroom! Kala mo naman eh ke-ggwapo kung mag-ingay! Hmp! Hehehe! Naku... It must be the hormones bakit ako naiirita!
Naisip ko nanaman, 2 weeks to go nalang... at kaboom! Exam na! Naku... kailangan ko na tlaga ma control ang anxiety! Sana pumasa kaming lahat! May God always guide us... sa lahat ng kukuha ng nursing board exams this june... Good luck sa ating Lahat! Kaya ntin toh! Kapit lang... malapit na...

Seven Years

2005-05-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

Taking on seven years
the holy ghost had left alone
Test my arms, kick like crazy
I've been trying way too long
only push the way off to fight you
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not sure
Getting off my chest
the story ends

I would find a way without you
Tell him his eyes see too clear
I would find a way without you
Tell him his eyes see too clear
That mistake was gold
I know that without you
is something that I could never do
That was why staple the eyes and
seven dates for me to sell machines
and tear on

seven years you assured me
that I'd be fine if I complied
only push the way off to fight you
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not sure
Getting off my chest
the story ends

I would find a way without you
Tell him his eyes see too clear
I would find a way without you
Tell him his eyes see too clear
That mistake was gold
I know that without you
is something that I could never do
That was why staple the eyes and
seven dates for me to sell machines
and tear on

Sorry I'm Sorry I'm to blame (Don't treat me I'm to blame)
Don't treat me like I ever accused you
[x5]

Ang init!!! Inis! /sweat

2005-05-07T18:34:00.000-07:00

Bakit ba ang init2 ngaun d2 sa Cavite?! Hehehe! Kahit saan naman siguro ngaun sa Pinas ay mainit! Pero bakit nga ba... El Niño? Ewan, d ako up-to-date sa weather ngaun. Wala ng maisip na gawin para lumamig ang pakiramdam, bukod sa maligo ka at mag pa-erkon! Pero maya2 pagkatapos mong maligo, tagaktak nanaman ang pawis mong umaatikabo! Ice cream kaya? Neh, fatty! *sus!* Naisip kong mag-SM, kaya lang kakagaling ko lang dun kahapon, aksaya sa pera! Matulog? Kakagising ko lang weh! Hindi naman ako makapagreview, mainit nga kasi! Haaay! Mag swimming?! Maganda yan, pero ayokong mangitim!
Parang no choice ka, kundi magtiis. Dito nalang ako sa erkon para mas ok! kaya lang hindi ko naman maaatim na buong araw ay computer lang ang katapat. hmmp! Iinom nalang ako ng malamig na tubig! yeah! *evaporate*

So much tension... can we handle it?!

2005-05-03T23:28:00.000-07:00

Time runs so fast and it's like you have so much things to do! Once you have set your plans already you seem to feel a li'l relief... but unexpected things enter the scene in a jiffy and there you go -- left confused and agitated! Just like a little earlier, when me and my girl friend set a plan for the whole day. We were like so excited for the day's activities, when we knew that we have to go to school for some processing of our requirements for the board. As soon as we arrived, we learned that our cases are still unsigned by the concerned faculty. We have to wait like more than the rest of the day to get our cases signed, and so much of our schedule has been disorganized. It's all ruined!!! Baka nga bukas pa yun makuha! And as soon as we get those papers, we have to go to PGH and ask for some signing again! All we thought was everything today would be okey... well actually it's okey! I guess! The rest of the things to do, I will right down: answer the take-home long exam, soak my soiled clothes, rview the psychiatric nursing hand-outs, buy mommy something for Mother's Day, remind mommy of the birth certificate and community tax.... and i don't know whatelse!?!?!?!?!? I'm nervous, stressed, tired, sleepy.................. just for my family, I will do anything!! Dear God, help us all to recall and answer the upcoming board exam according to Your Will.

i'm outta here!

2005-04-29T23:09:00.000-07:00

Oh well... finished reading my i-thought-not-worth-my-money pocketbook. It sure did worth my money, hehe! Anyway, it's about a little town girl named, Miranda. Things went up pretty well around her when she moved to Austin in college. New friends jazzed up her life there and discovered her passion on drums. She was natural and made it to form a group of her own. It's about discovering your own talent and being yourself to love. I just wanted to sum it up a little bit, coz it's a good buy. Hehehe!

weeepeee!!!

2005-04-06T03:46:00.000-07:00

Magddorm na ulit ako...

excited as usual.

Di na kasi ako sanay bumyahe...

palusot ko! Amp! Mmmwahugzz!

Dearest Bods...

2005-04-05T04:43:00.000-07:00

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love youI will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you

"I will always love you"

**hehe ang corny ko! joke lang! anything for dusi!

Miss na kita! Kainis!

2005-04-01T18:32:00.000-08:00

I miss the days we spent together... almost everyday kasama kita. Pero ngaun, parang ang labo na, wla na kasi ako sa dorm. Haaay! Sana the day will come na we'll be together again... and when that time comes, i want it to be forever.

Itutuloy...

My Mind Says...

2005-04-01T02:01:00.000-08:00

Why is it so hard to make excuses... when
you just really want to experience fun.